Elizabeth's Journey
by frecklemaggie
Summary: If you really loved him, then it wouldn't matter what he was, or what his mother was, or why the infamous Cullens were paying so much attention to him, right? What if his eyes were turning that awful shade of red, Bella? It's decision time, baby.
1. Prologue:The Problem is All In Your Head

Prologue_:__ The Problem is All Inside Your Head_

_I was wearing a long, ivory dress. It was beautiful--soft with delicate and intricate embroidery on the top, and graceful cotton silk that came from somewhere under my breasts and trailed at my ankles. It had a low neckline and thin, tight straps. I felt utterly gorgeous in it, which was a completely new feeling for me. In this dress I was a goddess. It was a magnificent feeling, compared to my usual feeling of ordinary-ness._

_My think, curly hair was in a complicated bun, and I had a few loose curls that tickled my face and fell down my neck. I could tell my cheeks were rosy from all the attention I was getting--but it was good attention. Strangely I embraced it, rather than shying away from it, as I would have done if this was any other day._

_Any klutz will tell you no attention is good attention._

_But tonight, that did not seem to be the case. I did not worry if I was about to trip, or if I had dirt all over my clothes from falling earlier, or if behind everyone's smiles they were really laughing at me because of that awful volleyball accident last week. I seemed to just_ know_ that things were alright, and that they were going to stay alright. Everything was going to be perfect, I was sure._

_Standing in the middle of whatever room I was standing in, I was given many congratulations and well wishes towards the future. As I watched the happy people around me dance to sappy, romantic music that flowed in the background, I realized two things:_

_One, that I was at my own wedding reception, somehow._

_And two, that I was in my own secret world--I was dreaming. That explained why I felt so confident and stunning, because that was the way I always wished I felt like in real life._

_With that information, I could finally get a sense of what kind of room I was in; I hadn't even felt the need to examine the room before. The room was actually a giant ballroom, it's walls dark and deep, the colour of blood. A large glass chandelier floated above the dancers, and the light that shone from it made everything sharp and brilliant. On the north side of the giant dance floor, there was a massive table of food, cake, and wedding presents. People chatted near it, generally content._

_On the south side of the room, there was a live band that seemed more like an orchestra to me. The voice of the band had a face that I couldn't quite see--it was unclear and fuzzy even under the dangerous and flinty lighting of the chandelier. She had wild, red hair, that much I could tell._

_The rest of the space was crowded with people; some I recognized, some I didn't. That didn't seem to matter, though, because everyone there knew me._

_"It's perfect, isn't it?" A magical, familiiar voice asked behind me after the line of condolences seemed to thin out. I turned around quickly, already knowing exactly who I would meet when I did. If this was my dream wedding, there was only one person on this whole planet who could be my groom..._

_He looked absolutely breathtaking, as usual. He wore a classic black tux that made him seem paler than normal. His stylishly un-kept hair seemed ruddier in the bright light, his eyes grass green like they were when we were 14, not darkish like they were in real life._

_He was perfect, but that was something I could always count upon._

_"Edward," I sighed, wishing that this fantasy was not fantasy, or if it had to be, that it would go on forever. I wished with every fiber of my being that he actually could love me as I did him. "It couldn't be better."_

_He smiled my favourite crooked smile. My heart raced, my mind buzzed, and my body tingled. Edward's smile only grew with my usual reaction, and stuck his hand out._

_"Mrs. Masen, may I have this dance?" he asked, and there was nothing I wanted more. I took his hand and he pulled me closer to him--close enough that I could feel him against me, but far enough away that I was practically frantic with the need to be closer._

_I could never be close enough to Edward. I could never, ever have enough of him. Even if I lived for an eternity, the need would never be fulfilled; the desire never gone. It was almost painful in a way, but that was only something I could always count upon. The hole in my heart that ached every single day was something that was forver, because the only person who could fill it never would._

_Dancing as Man and Wife--this would probably be the happiest moment in my life, because at least I had him, even for only a moment._

_I found myself staring into Edward's eyes, finding that he was staring as intently into mine. I felt as if I were looking in a mirror: all I could see in his green eyes was the love and passion I knew mine held._

_"I wish we could stay like this forever," I confessed almost shyly, my body burning with him._

_"We can." He leaned into kiss me, as if sealing this impossible promise. Our lips touched softly, a kiss not of great passion or lust, but of one true love._

_I would not have had it any other way._

_We pulled apart, and he just held me in his arms as we swayed to the music. I thought I must be glowing, I felt so alive and whole and happy._

_I felt so acutely that nothing could go wrong in this dream, so I did not feel nervous when I saw the hazy faced red haired singer walk over to us, her face becoming clearer the closer she came. By the time she reached us, I knew her--she was Elizabeth Masen, Edward's mother. Her bronze hair matched his perfectly, and I wondered why she looked so menacing when he did not._

_It was not until she leaned over Edward, her hands clamped tightly on his shoulders that I noticed her eyes. They were penetrating, and also were the same exact shade as her bronze hair._

_I could not move as she moved her lips to his neck, her sharp teeth piercing slowly into his white neck._

_I could not scream as he grew limp in my arms, his mother hurrying off into the dense, smiling crowd._

_And I awoke to the sound of my own harsh breathing--the sound of his heartbeat as it became one with mine long enough for it to beat one last time._


	2. Overload

Chapter One—Overload

Bella could not push the dream from her mind. As she drove her red, rusted truck over to Edward's house, she nervously wondered how she could keep the nightmare from her best friend. It was bad enough that most of the dream was the wedding they would never have, but having it end with his mother draining his life? That would not settle well, Bella knew.

The dream confused Bella, because of the many truths it seemed to hold. Bella's almost desperate and painful love for Edward wasn't the only thing that held true in real life. Elizabeth Masen taking Edward from Bella didn't seem that far fetched, even if her method was.

Bella Swan had moved to Forks in her freshman year of high school, after her mother, Renee, had married. Bella hadn't necessarily wanted to move from Phoenix, but she held onto the thought that it was only temporary. She promised herself that once Phil, Renee's husband, found a minor league baseball team to settle into, that she would go back with her mother. Go back to the warmth, the sun, her mother's familiar face and her lovable, eccentric personality.

Renee, actually, had never told Bella that she _had_ to move. Bella made the decision after she saw how much it hurt her mother when Phil left to do whatever unsigned minor league players did. Although Bella had never felt the kind of love that she read about in her romance novels—the kind of love that made your blood rush and your heart sing, she knew that Renee felt it and that it hurt her physically to be away from Phil. Even at the tender age of 13, when most teenage girls lives revolved around themselves, Bella knew she could not be happy when her mother was not.

So Bella moved to Forks. Cold, rainy, Forks. She had expected that while she lived in Forks her life would be like the weather: dreary and gray. She had expected unpleasant boredom and awful loneliness in Forks. She had expected to be hopping on a plane the second her mother gave the go.

But moving to Forks had been the best decision Bella had ever made. It had been uncomfortable at first, for Bella. She found that living with Charlie, her quiet and easy-going father, was very different than living with Renee. The sound of the rain was her constant companion in the silent house, with Charlie working all the time.

School had also been awful the first day. In Bella's school back in Phoenix, there had been more people in her freshman class alone than in the whole Forks High School. She didn't have many friends in Phoenix, and she thought there would be no way that in such a small school would she find anyone worth talking to. The first three periods she had proved her conjectures, because she found almost everyone at Forks to be unoriginal, superficial, and everything small town girls were to be.

Things had looked bleak for Bella that day, until lunch finally came around. There, she had met Edward Masen, another new student. She had stared into his grass green eyes that first day and knew that she would never, ever want to leave him.

Bella and Edward became quick friends. They were both freshman, both new, both had hopes and dreams outside the small town of Forks. They both were intelligent and sarcastic and lonely. They both found that they had needed one another, that being with one another changed their lives.

They hung out together in school for two weeks, and were together whenever they had the chance. When Edward found the courage to ask Bella over to his house, she agreed with such excitement he could tell she wasn't faking it, or being polite. Because they were both too young to drive, they waited in the Forks High parking lot for Edward's mother to pick them up.

Bella still remembers the first time she saw Elizabeth Masen. She was abnormally beautiful—not in the sweet, human way Edward was handsome, but almost inhumanly gorgeous. She had curly, bronze hair that matched Edward's tussled hair exactly. She had his straight nose, his pink lips, his high cheekbones, but it seemed as if her features were more exaggerated and stunning versions of his. Her skin was white bone, and her eyes had dark shadows under them.

_Her Eyes. _Those Bella remember best—Elizabeth's coal black eyes, staring straight into her with such malice that made her feel a fear she'd never felt. It had been such a horrific experience, and because Edward simply did not notice, as if it was _normal_, made it that much more terrifying.

Since that moment, every meeting Bella had with Elizabeth Masen had been unpleasant in some way. In the beginning, it was always scary. She had truly been afraid of going over to Edward's house, if only because of that long car ride down curving roads, through forests, and past streams and small rivers.

But Bella had already loved Edward too dearly to be torn away from him because of his mother. She tried to ignore her angry looks, her haughty (but breathtakingly beautiful) voice, the way she would intentionally ignore Bella when breathing the same air as her.

Soon, what had once scared her simply irritated her, and as the years went by, only made her sad. One of the few people who Bella actually wanted to like her hated her.

To Bella, it seemed that Elizabeth was always trying to make Edward hate her, too. Bella always worried that one day, she would make him choose: your only known parent, or some girl you met three years ago? She knew Edward loved his mother more than anything, and such a decision would hardly be difficult for him.

_Bye-bye, Bella._

That was her greatest fear. By the time she made it to Edward's house, her hands were shaking and she wasn't even aware. Even the thought of it made Bella's heart speed up and her throat hurt with the unshed tears. She _had _to make Elizabeth like her, but how? How could she make it so she'd never lose Edward?

The old, red truck shook as the passenger door opened, and Bella felt the cold morning air on her cheeks. She tried to not look at the angel getting in the truck beside her, because she knew there was a good chance that she would start crying if she did.

But she couldn't help it. Edward looked almost as great as he did in her dream last night, except for his eyes. His eyes were not the bright, amazing green she fell in love with. They were dark, and sometimes Bella thought she could see red in his dark irises. It frightened her, if she was being honest with herself. Bella often had to remind herself that he was still the same Edward— her over thinking, witty, protective Edward, even if his eyes were not the same.

"Hey, Bells," he greeted lightly as he set his heavy backpack onto the truck's floor, not noticing Bella's heavy gaze. She said nothing in reply, not exactly trusting herself to speak. She would probably start ranting about her dream if she did, and then things would get out of hand, and then they'd fight. Bella hated fighting almost as much calculus homework, which was saying something.

A moment passed, and with it, Edward knew something was up. He could trust Bella to be talkative and lively in the morning, counting off how many times she fell on the staircase or how she burnt her tongue on her oatmeal. For him to not even get a greeting was definitely strange. Edward turned his face to hers, and could not stop the ticking in his stomach as he looked straight into her large, sad brown eyes.

"Is there something wrong, Bella?" He scooted over across the seat, and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. He had to concentrate to _not_ concentrate too hard on the warmth of her, or the way he seemed to fit against her flawlessly. She shook her head and held back tears.

"Bella, honestly, I know you better than you know yourself," He paused, wondering at the tears that fell down her cheeks with those words. "I know something is wrong."

But still she said nothing. Bella knew that if she did, she wouldn't be able to lie. She would have to tell the truth, which would do nothing for anyone. How could she tell him she thought his mother was trying to split them apart? How could she tell him how worried she was that Elizabeth might actually succeed?

Edward's chest hurt as he watched his Bella cry. It was they way they were—if one was in pain, the other could feel it almost as acutely. He reached out to clean the tears off her cheek, and that only seemed to make her cry harder. She started to sob loudly, and Edward could feel his own tears pooling over and making their way down his face.

"Bella, love," he brought her up onto his lap, wrapping his arms fully around her body and resting her wet face on his shoulder. He could feel every sob against his own chest, making it hard for him to breathe. "What is it? You can tell me anything, I swear, anything..."

She wrapped her skinny arms around his neck and felt his heartbeat. Bella _could_ tell Edward everything and anything. He was her best friend. He would understand how much it hurt Bella to even think about losing him; how much it hurt to love him so much? Bella knew he would understand, of course he would.

"I just—I just love you so damn much!" she stammered quietly. Bella knew that it wouldn't clear anything up to Edward, but it was so true. She had to say it. They sat in silence for a few moments, Bella's tears slowing considerably, and Edward wondering how he should take her words.

"Is that a bad thing?" he asked carefully, moving his hands slowly up and down her spine.

"In some ways, yes."

"Why?" A pause, a secret fear in the air, and Edward tried not to think about what she was getting at. "Why is it such a bad thing to love with everything you have?"

"What happens if," Bella tried to say, the words not quite forming the way she wanted them to. "What happens if something happens to one of us, or we're somehow split apart? Is it really healthy to depend on one person so much?"

The thought seemed to echo in the tiny cab.

_Is it healthy? God no. But I can't help it. I love you more than anything—I would be nothing without you. _

She pulled away from him, the warmth of his heart make hers seem emptier than what was normal. The silence in the truck was thick and heavy with the words that were said—the words that neither of them really knew how to take.

Edward had no idea what had started this. Their dependence on one another had never bothered her before today. What had made her afraid of the future—afraid of the what ifs? What had made her doubt something they had always treasured, something that had made him _live_?

Bella crawled off Edwards lap, and sat in the passenger seat. She felt in no way in any condition to drive. Her head hurt with all the worrying and aching her heart seemed to be doing. Bella could see how her words affected Edward; his eyes were dark and his mouth was set in a hard line.

Over the years, Edward started to look more and more like his mother. His features became sharper, less boyish and charming. His distinct good looks, paired with his darkening eyes, made him sometimes look dangerous. Sometimes, the involuntary center of Bella was afraid of Edward, as she was now. Bella buckled her seatbelt quickly as he gripped the steering wheel tight as a mother's possessiveness, and turned the car out onto the road.

The drive through the winding wood was spent in silence. The seconds were small millenniums that gave Bella time to think, and in the seemingly endless thinking time she was given, Bella tried to right her mind.

She looked over at Edward and accomplished her goal. She was righted because of his anger—only because she knew that the only reason he was so angry was because he too needed Bella, if not in a romantic way, at least in a platonic, friendly way. That really brought back to her back to earth: his love for her.

As they passed through town, she clasped Edward's free hand in her own, fire against ice. Bella hated fighting—even if the cause was something that had to be fought about sooner or later. She knew giving in like she was about to was cowardly, but she didn't want it to happen now; she didn't want to lose him.

"I love you." She sighed, the words an apology, and like she knew they would, they soothed over Edwards stinging frustration. He could feel it melting away from his suddenly warm heart.

"I'll always love you." he promised, "forever."

And then the fight was over—if only for a broken moment in time.

* * *

A/N: Ah, the first real chappie. It's dedicated to BlackDeathAngel, my one and only reviewer. Thank you so much! :)

Oh, and I forgot, I DO NOT own anything. The big Stephenie Meyer, does, sadly. So please do not sue, thanks.


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